Flirty text messages, a Pastor and Blockbuster. If that's not a recipe for disaster, I don't know what is.
Art by Pete Whitehead
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Story performed by: Aaron Calafato
Audio Production: Ken Wendt
Original Art: Pete Whitehead
Podcast Coordinator: Cori Birce
Creative Consultant: Anthony Vorndran
TRANSCRIPTION
[00:00:03.340] - Aaron Intro
Hey everybody it's Aaron. Before we get to this week's story, wanted to share a message from one of our great listeners. Remember, we want to hear from you, so send us a text at 216 352 4010 and tell us s story of your own or what you thought about one of the stories that you heard. Or, call that number 216 352 4010 three and leave a message. And if you want, we can take that recorded message and feature it at the beginning of the podcast. This week's message comes in from Joe Leo. He's a great friend of the podcast, has been listening since really the very beginning. And he's referencing in this message a story that I told called "Taco Bell an American Portrait." So, if you haven't heard that story, go back and listen to it. But he says, "Hey, Aaron, when I first started podcasting, I would go to Taco Bell with one of my best friends and we would get like twenty dollars worth of stuff, laugh, crush food and decompress from the high that you get when you record. Joe, I totally can relate to that. And by the way, Joe has his own podcast now called The Grind Hours Podcast. You should listen to it, especially if you're into sports. Thanks again for that message. Now, onto this week's story titled "Lost in Translation". Enjoy!
[00:01:32.530] - Aaron Story
How do you know somebody? I mean, really know them, think about that for a second. Their every intention, their every desire, their every thought, their total self. The reality is you don't. I mean, we don't know each other, really. Even the people we love the most in this world that we're closest to, that we know the fullest. Unless you can share their consciousness and know every single one of their thoughts through the course of a lifetime, you don't know them 100 percent.
[00:02:01.900]
And by the way, that's the people in our inner circle. That's our family and friends. And those relationships? We still fight. We still have conflicts all the time and we have to work on to get through because we value them. Now, imagine the world outside of that circle, and that's the world of the day to day that most of us live. It's just a bunch of people who don't know each other. They're walking around in their own heads. And we're always getting in conflicts and we're always getting our wires crossed and we're always feeling misunderstood, and there's this sense of being lost in translation. And that's why in these next two stories, you'll understand that's not just the world that I see. That is the world I distinctly live in.
[00:02:42.490]
Story number one. So seven years ago, I decided to stop touring as a performing artist, as a monologist. I had a daughter I needed to support. I wanted to be close with her and not travel all over the place. So, it was time that I got a big boy job, and I did. It was a great gig as the director of marketing for a local church. I was also dating a girl at the time and we were living together and it was a Saturday and I'm chilling out. It was my day off because Sunday in the church is a workday. I had to go into work. Even if you were part of the administration, you're there. So Saturday I'm laying around and I'm texting two people.
[00:03:16.990]
I'm texting my pastor, who's my boss, and I'm texting my girlfriend.
[00:03:22.030]
So I text my pastor and I say, "hey, listen, when do you want me to present the new website to the congregation? At the beginning?" Then I toggle over to my girlfriend and "I say, hey, wish she didn't have to work today. It's such a beautiful day. Wish we were hanging out...". And then I toggle over to my pastor and I say, "you know, I'll really keep it at maybe one to two minutes. I'll keep it really short. But it's important that they know about this website. We'll create a call to action. It'll be great love working with you!" Then I toggle over to my girlfriend and I say, "you know what? I'm already getting hungry. How about we have lunch together? Maybe I'll bring you lunch?" Little kissy face. Toggle over to my pastor and I text. "you know, the parking's been crazy with the growing congregation. Is there a better place for employees to park?" and then I toggle over to my girlfriend and I say, "you know what? I just wanted to say every time you walk out of a room, you look spectacular."
[00:04:27.370]
And I hit send.
[00:04:29.820]
Except that text, I didn't send to my girlfriend. I sent to my pastor.. Oh, God, I send it to my pastor! Now, listen, in that moment, there was a sense of dread that I can't even explain. First, I wanted to delete the text. I'm like, oh, my God, how do I get the text out of the ether? Is there a way to get it out out of the digital sphere? Can I delete it? Do I say something to him? Do I.... Your mind starts racing of how do I make this excuse? How can I laugh about this? There's no way out of it. I froze. I couldn't say anything or text anything, and I figured I'll just wait for him to respond. He doesn't respond for minutes. He doesn't respond for hours. He doesn't respond the whole day. I go into sheer panic. I can't sleep that night.
[00:05:14.550]
I mean, imagine this. I have to face this guy that I've text, my boss, I can only imagine what he's thinking. That I text after all this threat of text. "Hey, you look spectacular every time you walk outside of a room or out of a room."
[00:05:29.880]
And so I didn't sleep all night. I'm sweating. I get into the office the next morning. I try to get in there very quietly and I end up making inadvertent eye contact with him in the office and he catches me and he looks at me and I know it's over... And he walks up to me and he says, "Aaron, I just want to let you know I really appreciate all the work you're doing for the church. All the work you're doing around here is fantastic. But I have to be honest with you, I don't think we can take our relationship to the next level." And luckily, he said it with a smile. He said it with a smile, and luckily seven years later, I'm finally starting to smile.
[00:06:16.730]
Story number two.
[00:06:18.260]
Back in college, all I wanted to do was work for this independent video store called Video Spectrum. I know high standards. But it was my passion. I was a theater major. I was acting. I was studying all the greats. And their filmography's : Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Robert Duvall, Marlon Brando. And for some reason, the people that own the store, in the course of four years, never looked at my applications and never hired me. I was extremely bitter.
[00:06:47.210]
So after I graduated, I decided to stick it to them and apply to work for the man. So I applied to this Blockbuster. And at Blockbuster at the time, you would go in and you would apply on a little computer that they had. And there was the application portion and then there was a personality test, pretty intensive. And I was very serious. I really wanted this job. So I started answering every single question very honestly. For example, one of the questions was: have you ever stolen before? And I answered, Yes, of course. And then I provided examples in the area below. And I said, I stole from the lunch line. I stole a granola bar back in high school. I stole from my brother, some pencils and pens and maybe some money when I was seven. And the list went on. And I figured this radical honesty would help get me the job because they would know if I was lying, if I said I never stole before, right?
[00:07:41.930]
So I end the personality test and I leave the store and I'm feeling hopeful. I come back the next day and the girl, same girl working at the front desk looks at me. Her eyes are wide. I say, "did I get the job?" She goes, "I'm sorry, sir. Not only did you not get the job, but you've been red flagged." I said, "What does that mean?" She said, that means you can't work at another Blockbuster anywhere in America. That the personality test was so bad that they think you might be a threat to the interest of the corporation. I was crushed and a little concerned, to be honest with you. And I was like, what am I going to do? But I figured deep down, there's no way this could last, you know. So I waited for years. And years later, I'm out in New York and I'm pursuing acting, which meant I needed a part time job. So we were living out in New Jersey and I had a choice between an Olive Garden down the way (there, unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks and very limited tips) or a Blockbuster across the street.
[00:08:42.140]
So I went in, went through the same process, and as soon as I entered my name, the lady looks up and goes, "Sir, you can't even finish the application." I said, "Why?" She said, "you've been red flagged. You're not allowed to apply at any blockbuster in America." And I thought, where do I go from here? And I walked down the aisles with all the movies around me and I looked up and I saw the sad face of Bill Murray. And I thought, you know what? I should rent that movie, Lost in Translation, seems like a perfect movie to watch tonight.
